The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - my Review

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - my Review

While attending a fabulous training seminar for the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I enountered one of the eye-opening exercises which would become a foundation upon which to build my parenting philosophy. The exerciae went like this: Imagine your funeral, far into the future. A podium sits at the front of the room, and your friends and family members each step forward to share their words regarding their thoughts and views of you and your life you lived. What would they say? At this point in your life, look back upon how you have lived, what you have done, and how you have impacted others. What would they say? Now, the second part is to think about what you wish they would have said. This causes you to think about how you wish you would have lived your life, how you touched others and in what way, what you left behind, your legacy for others. For each thing, what do you need to do in your life right now to eventually achieve that goal?

Once you figure that out, make a viable plan and do it! I thought back to when I was younger and how I had dreamed of getting married one day and having children. I did not dream of getting married, having children, getting divorced, and having to work so many hours to support three children that I was missing out on being what they needed. As a parent, all I ever wanted was to be the very best parent they could have. What did this mean? As parents, our job is to prepare our children for the world with the skills, morals, values, etc. that they need to be able to succeed as individuals in our crazy society. While I wish I could just take a magic computer chip from my brain and plug it into theirs, that is just not an option. I would have to extract from my brain all of the things that I have learned in life that they will also encounter, and teach those to them over and over and over. After all, it takes doing something 21 times to make it a habit. Because I am one who is forgetful, I always carry a small spiral in my purse. It contains lists for the grocery store, things I need to do, etc. I started a new list - things to teach my children. As I came across quotes or advice, I would add them to the list. As I would be reminded of things I had learned, I would add them to the list. The list has grown and grown over time. I am very proud to say that if you asked one of my children, "What are some of the things mom always tells you?" that they could start spouting them off. Each time a situation presents itself, I ask my child, "Now, what have I told you that applies here?" And even better, when one of them displays the appropriate action based upon what I have taught them, I ask them, "Now where did you learn that?" It reinforces that they have acted correctly based upon what they were taught, and reinforces the behavior even that much more. It also makes mom very proud. What are these items on my list? I love my list, and I love some of the most general items on it even more, because they can apply to so many things. It is fun to talk to the kids and ask them where all one of them can apply, and hear some of the crazy but true things they come up with. I will share those areas with each one. 

Here we go, not in any particular order: 
1. Never ask anyone to do anything you would not do yourself. I think this one bothers me the most because when I think of it, I think of a king sitting on his throne ordering everyone around to do this and do that. Yes, midievil times... Back to present, this dooes still happen. I can recall an older couple I knew (no names, to protect the ignorant) where the husband sat in his recliner all of the time, shouting orders to everyone else younger than him in his family to do this and do that. I really think if this man did not have to go to the bathroom himself, he would have ordered someone to do that, too. I thought to myself, how lazy. I do not ever want to see my children acting like that or thinking that is okay to do. Seeing him literally call his wife from another room to turn on the lamp next to him would just make make me crazy. I wanted to scream at him to do it himself. Not only should he get up and get his own glass of tea, but he should ask everyone in the room if they would like one, as well! That is only proper, thoughtful, and the right thing to do. Do not take, take, take when you should be giving. I felt sorry for his wife, who was like his slave and had been for years. But then again, this leads me to my next topic and very important phrase. 

2. People only treat you how you let them. Think about it for a while. Think really hard about how many areas in your life this could apply to. It is amazing, huh? The wife was treated as a slave because she allowed him to treat her as a slave. At some point in their marriage, his first selfish request of her time and energy was made. At that point she could have nipped it 
in the bud and said, "I believe you can do that yourself." Yet, it is never too late. She can still do that now. Yes, a precedent has been set that she will do whatever he asks, but does he do whatever she asks? In this case, no. And that needs to be pointed out to him and he needs to be made to think about his behavior and whether it is right or not. Maybe he will change, maybe he will not. However, she does not have the ability to change him. That comes from within himself. The only thing she has the power to change is herself and her reaction to things and people around her. So, if she just tells herself she will not continue to be treated as a slave, tells him of her thoughts, and refuses to respond to his selfish requests, he will eventually catch on and realize she means what she says. If, however, she continues to allow him to treat her this way, he will continue to do it.

The Secret

The Secret

After being told about The Secret, I ordered it from www.thesecret.tv. I watched it twice, took notes, and I feel I have to share it for those of you who are interested. I encourage all of you to buy it and watch it over and over again. Here are my notes:

The law of attraction is always working. You can never escape it. Everything that comes into your life, you are attracting into your life. Thoughts become things. Like attracts like. If you are in a negative environment, you attract negativity. If you are in a positive environment, you attract positivity. We have the conscious ability to choose the thoughts in our minds. When we bring those thoughts together, we create ideas. I can create an idea of anything I want, impress it upon my subconscious mind, and affect my entire universe. When I think something, I control the vibration I'm in. When I do that, I control what I attract. No one can cause you to think something you don't want to think. Only YOU control what you think.

We become what we think about, because we have the freedom to think whatever we want. We can internalize those thoughts and do wonderful things or horrible things. Ask yourself, what do you really want? Realtionships, health, business? You are the architect of your life. Tap into the infinite. You can never take more than your share. Abundance is your birthright. Make up your mind right now that you're going to visualize that and not give up on your thoughts. The good that you want is right here. All you have to do is get in harmony with it. Change your way of thinking and change your world. You can only attract to you what you allow to be in harmony with you.

How to Use the Secret 

Think about Aladdin and his lamp. In truth, there are no 3 wishes, they are unlimited. Aladdin is the one who always asks for what he wants. The genie is the universe, who always says one thing, "Your wish is my command."

The creative process:

1. Ask – make a command to the universe. The universe responds to your thoughts. Ask yourself what do you really want? Write on a piece of paper - I am so happy and grateful now that: Explain how you want your life to be in every area. The universe is your catalog. Flip through it and place your order with the universe.

2. Believe that it's already yours. Have unwavering faith, believing in the unseen. The universe will rearrange itself to make it happen for you. Anyone who ever accomplished anything never knew how it would happen, they just believed it would happen. You will attract the way. If you get disappointed and doubtful, the doubt brings about more disappointment. Recognize that feeling and replace it with faith.

3. Receive - Begin to feel wonderful, how you will feel when it will arrive. You must feel good and happy and put yourself in the right frame of mind. You have to feel it to manifest what you want in your life. Do whatever you have to do to get the feelings of having it now. Be in the house you want, test drive the car you want, etc. You may just get an inspired idea of an action to take to get it. Don't say, "I could do it this way but…" When it's right, don't delay or second guess, go on your impulse, act. Think about driving a car in the dark with your lights shining 200 feet. That's how life tends to unfold before us. Just trust that the next 200 feet will unfold after the next 200 feet, and life is like that, getting you to the destination you truly want. Take the first step in faith. "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." - Dr. Martin Luther King

How long will this take? There's no set answer.

Powerful Process

Many people feel imprisoned by their current circumstances. That is only your current reality. You must first change your thinking. If you keep looking in your mail for bills, you'll get bills! If you keep thinking about debt, you'll keep confirming your thoughts about debt. You're focusing on debt and will have debt. Your law of attraction is being obedient to your thoughts.

Your current state of affairs is not who you are, it is who you were. It's the residual outcome of your past thoughts and actions. If you say this is who you are, you doom yourself to have nothing but the same for the future. "All that we are is the result of what we have thought." - Buddha

How to turn your life around? GRATITUDE
Make a list of what you have to be grateful for. Before now, you may be focusing on what you don't have, which is negative thoughts. Go in a different direction. Be grateful for what you do have. When appreciated for the things you do, what do you want to do? You want to do more! Appreciation pulls things in and attracts more. Every morning get up and say thank you for what you're grateful for. That starts your day right. Feel the feelings of gratitude. You will start to attract more of the things you will be grateful for.

Gratitude Rock – Get a rock and carry it with you at all times. Every time you touch the rock, think of something you're grateful for. Keep it in your pocket as a constant reminder of gratitude.

VISUALIZE
Dwell upon the end result. Close your eyes and feel the end result. "What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists." -  Alexander Graham Bell
How? Turn it over to the universe. Do this daily, but not as a chore. The bottom line is feeling good and in tune as much as possible. The people who live in the magic of life made a habit of using the laws of attraction and they use it all of the time, not just once a day. If you say, "This doesn't work." The universe says, "Your wish is my command."

Vision Board – put pictures on the board of what you want and look at it and visualize yourself having already acquired it. Look at it daily. "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." -  Albert Einstein
Decide what you want, believe you can have it and deserve it, and it's possible for you. Close your eyes and visualize having what you want, feeling the feelings of already having it, focus on being grateful for having what you already have. Release it to the universe to manifest.

The Secret to Money 

"Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve." - W. Clement Stone
Set a goal that is so big that if you achieve it, it will blow your mind. Don't say you want to get out of debt. If you're thinking about debt, you're attracting debt. Focus on prosperity. Do the actions to make that happen. If you say, "I can't afford that…" Your wish is my command. If you keep saying you can't afford that, you never will. Focus on abundance and prosperity instead. Money does not equal wealth. Your life is meant to be abundant and have harmonic wealth in all areas: Financial, relationship, intellectual, physical, spiritual.

Sit down and write out what you intend to create for your life in those 5 areas. If you have a hard time writing what you want, write a list of what you don't want, then write the opposite to it for what you DO want.

The Secret to Relationships 

Do you treat yourself the way you want others to treat you? Build yourself up to fullness so you can overflow to others. Don't expect others to show you your beauty. See your own beauty. Fall in love with yourself. The rest of the world will fall in love with you as well. Have a healthy respect for yourself. As you love yourself, you'll love others. For relationships to work, you can't complain about the other person. If you complain, all you continue to get is what you complain about. Instead, focus on the positives. Make a list and write all that you appreciate about that person, why you love them. When you focus on appreciating and acknowledging their strengths, you'll get more of that. The bad will fade away.

Being unwilling to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You must forgive to release the poison within you. We cannot control other people, no matter how hard we try. We create our own happiness through the law of attraction. Don't give others the ability to create your happiness. Many times they fail to create it the way you want it. Why? Because only you can create your own joy. No one else has the control to create your happiness. Your joy lies within you.

The Secret to Health 

Our body is the product of our thoughts. Science has shown that our mind controls our health, such as the placebo effect. Dis-ease = a body that is not at ease. If you put enough stress on the system, one of the links breaks. You have the power to turn it around with positive thought. Visualize yourself well. Daily, thank you for my healing. Most of what we do is self healing, such as healing a cut, healing an infection, etc. Our body has the ability to heal itself already. Your body casts off millions of cells daily and regenerates those cells. Focus on the new healthy cells.

If you continue to focus on illness, you'll continue to be ill. Positive thoughts manifest a healthy body. Remove physiological stress from the body and the body does what it's meant to do, heal itself. Incurable=curable from within. Don't allow anything to come in your mind to distract you from your goal and vision.

The Secret to the World 

People tend to look at what they want and say, "Yes, I want that." However, they also look at what they don't want and focus just as much energy on that, saying, "I can fight that. I can stop that. I can eliminate it." In our society, we've become content with fighting against cancer, drugs, terrorism, violence. We tend to fight everything we don't want. Everything we focus on, we tend to create. We're adding our energy to it. All of that only creates resistance. "What you resist, persists." - Carl Young

The anti-war movement creates more war. How much sense does it make that we give all of our energy to the problem, rather than focus on trust, love, peace, abundance, education? Mother Theresa made sense when she said, "I will never attend an anti-war rally. If you have a peace rally, I'm there."  She knew the secret. If you're anti war, be pro peace. If you're anti a particular politician, be pro his opponent. Don't give him your energy.

It's okay to notice what you don't want, only to contrast to what you do want. But don't waste your focus on it or you'll create more of it. You can be informed, but not inundated. When the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound than the voice on the outside, you've learned to master your life. Take your attention away from what you don't want, and place the attention where you do want it. Energy flows where attention goes. It's not your job to change the world or the people around you. It's your job to go with the flow of the universe and celebrate all it gives you.

Life was meant to be abundant. Open your vision and see all that is around you. Open your heart and go for it. We don't all want the same thing, so there's enough for everyone. Become intentional and on fire for what you want. Recognize the beautiful and wonderful things around you, bless and praise them so you can get more of it. Don't spend your energy faulting and complaining about the things you don't want.

The Secret to You 

We are all made up of energy (cells, molecules, atoms, energy). Everything in the universe is energy. You are an energy field operating in a larger energy field. Your body and physical being just holds your spirit. Your spirit fills the room. You are eternal life, God manifested in human form, made to perfection. "All power is from within, and is therefore under our control." -  Robert Collier

Everyone has a bad past. So what? You can keep focusing on that and keep living that, or focus on what you want and make that happen. You have to choose to change your thoughts and make it happen. Trying is failing with honor. Don't try – DO. The pen is in your hand and the outcome is whatever you choose. Begin where you are and begin to think and generate within yourself a tone of happiness, and the universe will respond to that. Create it the way you want it by using the law of attraction. Break yourself free from the past and prove once and for all that the power within you is greater than the power of the world.

Don't ever say, "I'm not." Every time you say that, it's a creation. "Whether you think you can or you can't, either way you are right." -  Henry Ford
Even if you think you've gotten rid of the bad thoughts, they can still be there, like a minimized program on your computer screen. You don't see it, but it's still there taking up energy. People have repeated results and say, "Why me?" Because it is you. YOU change it.

The Secret to Life 

There is no blackboard in the sky that says what you will do and be. You create it. Once you realize you must feel joy, do only the things that bring you that. If it ain't fun, don't do it. Put yourself in a state of joy. Anything that makes you feel good will draw more of that into your life. If it doesn't feel good, let it go. Find something else. "Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." -  Joseph Campbell

Your excitement, passion, and bliss is contagious. We use 5% of the potential of the human mind. Imagine using 100% of your mind. Imagine all that you could do if you did that. Do this daily so that it becomes a habit, a way of life. You deserve to be happy, to add value to this world, to be the best you can be. When others celebrate something, celebrate it with them!!! Everything you've been through is to prepare you for this moment right now. You are the creator of your destiny. Imagine what you can do from this day forward with what you now know. Seize the moment. Write your story. Who you are and what you do begins right now. There is power within you that is greater than the world. Good Luck!!!

Suicide

On Saturday, the life of a young girl was ripped out from under all of us. Unfortunately, it was at her own hands.

Many initially all ask the same question, "Why?", hoping that if we knew why, it would bring some sort of comfort or closure for all of us. But, the only thing that does is give us a place to lay blame, to point the finger, to be able to take the guilt off of the actor and place it on someone else. Who does that help? No one. We think if we blame someone it may help us to realize it was not our fault and we played no part in it, but did we really? Did we all play a part by omission? And if we blame that person, is that fair? Can they ever get the chance to take it back and to do it over again? No, they can't. Anyone would be burdened for eternity already, just thinking their actions may have played a part.

So, we decide to look at what has happened, evaulate how to change things, to do everything we can to help prevent this from occurring again. How do we do that? I don't think anyone has all of the answers, but I do know that as someone once said "it takes a village to raise a child", it also takes the village to raise EVERY child. Ironically, our city does not have neighborhoods.  We have villages.

As parents, we have the ability and power to see and touch the lives of every child who our children play with, associate with, or are even enemies with. There are so many children I see in and out of my home, at the park, at birthday parties, etc. Just think, if one person said something to make a difference in their lives, how much of an impact that could make?

I once learned about GEMS, Genuine Encounter Moments, always looking for them in order to teach a teachable lesson. "Do this, and this is why. Act this way, and this is why. Don't do this, and this is why." When you see something going on with the children, intervene, give your input, and always tell them why.

I saw a quote the other day that said, "We all expect children to act like adults, but allow us to treat them like children." I thought long and hard about that one, and it's just so true. They are children. They think like children, it's all about them, they can't think past right now, can't see past right now, and that's just how they are. They don't have the capacity nor the set of references and experiences we do as adults to apply to situations in their lives. They are just getting started and have yet to develop coping skills. I wish there was a chip we could just plug into them and have them know everything, but it just doesn't exist.

So we, as busy adults who have to work and shuffle kids around and cook dinner, we must all look out for each other's children. When you have a child with you, treat them as your own, care for them as your own, teach them as you would your own, and love them as you would your own. Let them ALL know that no matter what behavior they exhibit, THEY are not bad. I've had so many kids who have done something wrong say to me, "Please don't think I'm bad." My response is, "Of course I don't think you're bad. Your behavior may have been undesirable, but it doesn't make YOU bad. You made a bad choice. Here's how to not make that bad choice again." Then teach them, guide them, demonstrate for them, but most of all, love them. Let them know they are loved, they are important, and that this world needs them.

Let them know it's okay to lose at something, and teach them the coping skills to deal with it. Too often we don't let kids lose - everyone gets a trophy, everyone gets to run the bases, and everyone is a winner. Then, the first time they fail at something or lose at something, they have no idea how to deal with it. It's the end of their world as they see it!  Teach them, tell them, show them how to deal with it. Even as an adult, there are many things hard to deal with, but we have to search for things we've been taught or learn new things to help us get through.

I've stood many times and yelled at the sky, "God! Why me?!?!?!" At the time, I can't see past what the problem is and feel hopeless, yet I am always answered. Maybe not then, but I see it later. I just have to have the coping skills to get through until I get my answer.

Let kids know that they have choices. If something is really bad right now, give it a minute and I promise it will be better. It may be a long minute, but just wait. You know what they say about Texas weather, "Give it a minute and it'll change." Just give it a minute. Take a deep breath. This is your Winter, your Spring is coming. If any of you have not seen that sermon from Joel Osteen, watch it, learn it, and live it.

The gist of it is if we had Spring every day, we would come to not appreciate it as much as we should. Just think about how much you appreciate a beautiful Spring day after months of Winter weather? Your Winter is the time when God is throwing challenges at you, hardships, things you must work through in order to grow. Like plants, during that time we are growing inside where no one can see. We are establishing strong roots, deep inside, to give us a firm and hearty base to be able to face anything that comes at us. Then, once the Winter is over, we get our Spring and appreciate it so much more.

God has a plan for us, and we will have our Springs, but we will also have our Winters. And we will be much stronger each and every time we get through a Winter, more equipped and able to endure. We all function better when we know what to expect, and knowing Winter will come will help us to be better prepared the next time. Let kids know there is a Spring. Give them hope. Hug them tight. Know what is going on in their lives. Know who their friends are. Tell them every single day that they are necessary, that they are loved, and most of all, that they are important.

Think about a job where you may have liked what you did, but you were not important to anyone, to anything, to the success or outcomes of anything. Did you really enjoy it that much, or did you want to find something else? Everyone wants to feel important, to be needed, to be necessary, to have input into the outcomes of their lives. Find every way you can to make sure they feel this. Don't only tell them, but show them. Give them lots of things to look forward to so that they remember there will be moments after this one, and the next one, and the next one. Help them see past the "right now."

I went to the candlelight service last night which was initiated by friends, and I have to say that I was deeply moved by the maturity of these young children. When I arrived, I saw a large group of teenagers running around. At 7:30, someone whistled and all was quiet. The children formed a large group with an empty space in the middle where anyone could step forward and share a funny story, sing a song, or lead in prayer, and they did just such. They told stories about their friendship with the girl, about cutting up in class, fights they had had, soccer, church, etc. A few boys sang songs, and really well, I might add.

Then - one boy stepped to the middle and read a poem he had written. I'm not sure who this boy was, but he was extremely inspirational. He read his poem about tears, which of course moved everyone. Then, he talked about how ironic it was that it was so cold that night because it caused everyone to huddle together as one, which is how it should be. He encouraged everyone to stay cold, to huddle as one, to never be mean, and to always be there for each other no matter what. He asked that her death not be in vain, that only good comes from it, that it changes them all forever for the better.

The group of children had a circle of parents naturally formed around the outside of them, giving them space, but still there for support and for protection. Unfortunately, the ratio was probably 20 to 1, sadly to say. It should be 1 to 1, but we all know that is not possible. Parents are so busy, we have other children, we have work, we have other responsibilities. Thus, the reason I say that we must all look out for each other's children, be a part of the village, ensure they all know we are here. I was so very proud of those kids last night. They behaved as adults, but I remembered to treat mine as a child, for once. Let's take their advice and not let this tragedy be in vain, make a difference and start new.

co-written story - 100 Proof

                                                         100 Proof

It had happened 21 years ago last week.  In a tragedy that would never allow Richard to heal in any positive way, his youngest daughter, Emily, had been killed in a car accident at the young age of five.  It was a dark and freezing night and the ice patches on the road were not easily visible.  He was driving, he was tired, his eyelids were heavy, but he keeps telling himself he did NOT fall he asleep.  He did NOT.  The entire family was asleep already in the car, but no one else had been hurt when his car spun into the tree at 60 miles per hour, physically, that is.  The tree just had to hit right where her tiny head was resting on her door.  Why her?  Why not him?  She still had her life ahead of her.  He had lived a good part of his.  Parents are not supposed to bury their children!

Her death had haunted him nightly, and when he would finally fall asleep he always had vivid nightmares of flashing images of her lifeless little body at the scene of the accident.  As her father, he had been given the grueling task of later having to identify her little mangled and bloody body at the morgue. 

Over the years he had found a drink or two every night helped him go to sleep and kept the nightmarish images at bay.  He would eventually fall into a dreamless sleep, most nights.  Over the years it just happened to require more and more alcohol to help him get to this seemingly peaceful sleep.   While he had convinced himself this solution was just a way to easily self-medicate, he forced himself to be oblivious to the toll it took not only on his body, but also the many ways it destroyed his life.

Over the last two decades, he had consistently ignored the pleas of his wife, his son, and his daughter to stop drinking.   After years of fighting over his alcohol-related problems, his wife had divorced him.  She had told him she could no longer be the breadwinner and refused to continue to make excuses for his behavior.  The night he was found by neighbors in his own vomit in the backyard was evidently the final straw for her.  After the repeated ritual of dragging him in the house, bathing him, and allowing him to sleep it off, she had packed her bags and left a note on his “hidden” vodka bottle. 

His relationship with his son had begun to deteriorate when he would show up at his little league games after work.  Richard knew he could not handle the pressure of the crowd, the yelling of the parents to have Little Johnny play a certain position, and the nagging of his wife when she smelled the alcohol on him.  All of this was even more reason to stop at the liquor store on the way.  Unfortunately for him, whereas he thought he should be given credit for even showing up, his son would later tell him he was a social embarrassment and he wished he had never been born with him as his father.  He had spoken these words as he left his father’s home a few years ago and had never returned since.

Then there was his beloved and only surviving daughter, Dianna.  She hung on the longest.  After her mother left him, her brother walked out on him, she would still return to his home from time to time to check on him and see if there was anything he needed.  Her mother had no more commitment to the man.  Her brother had his own life to live, fighting his own battles and demons.  But Dianna, she was his oldest daughter, his first born, his only daughter left.  He had always felt that if anyone would be there for him, it would be her.  Yet, the time came when she, too, would have to withdraw from being sucked into his downward spiral of a life he was living.  He recalls waking up to a note from his daughter, describing his behavior from the night before at her engagement party, asking that he never come near her or attempt to contact her again.  It explained how important the night was to her, how it happens only once in a lifetime, and how he had ruined it for her.  The next few days were a blur for him.  He was now truly alone.

The alarm going off could only mean one thing - the start of another long day had begun.  Richard sat up and slowly rolled out of his bed, staggering to the bathroom mirror.  Staring back at him, his red and faded blue eyes, now yellowed by jaundice, needed some Visine.  He shaved the remaining few stubbles of hair that still managed to grow on his head and wore it bald.  He had worn a goatee for many years, and for some reason today he had taken notice that it had gone completely grey.  He poured some Old Spice into his hands and patted his paunchy cheeks lightly with the scent.  His six-foot frame looked somewhat shorter due to his protruding belly that now strained against the buttons of his blue oxford button-down shirt. 

He walked towards the kitchen as the anxious thoughts raced through his mind.  He would never make it through the morning selling life insurance to people who couldn’t afford it if he didn’t have at least a swig of vodka before heading to the office.  He took the bottle off the counter and drank it straight.  Just two swigs would get him through to lunch. At one time he definitely preferred bourbon but had changed to vodka as he had heard somewhere vodka was harder to smell or detect on a person’s breath.  At lunch, he would have to repeat this process to make it until 5:00. 

His thoughts today were at battle with themselves, though, for this was going to be a special day.  He could not overdo it.  He had to be lucid, be on top of his game, be the man a daughter would be proud of.  A few days prior, Dianne had finally made contact with him, eventually saying she wanted to see him, even let him meet the granddaughter he had never met before.  She had asked a lot of questions about how he was doing, how work was, and then THE question.  Of course he had promised her that he had quit drinking.  That was, after all, the only way she had agreed to this meeting.

Richard could not believe what had just happened to him. The kid at the liquor store had just refused to sell him a bottle of vodka because he had said that he smelled like he was already intoxicated.  Intoxicated!  He had not gotten too close to the punk kid, and wasn’t the mint gum he was chewing supposed to hide his breath?  Besides, why was he drinking vodka instead of his beloved bourbon if someone could smell it anyway?  He decided he would just drive on to another store, where they obviously needed the business.  How dare they deny a grown man the sale of alcohol?  Who was that kid, anyway?

Richard made it through the day after his morning snafu.  Dianne had agreed to meet him at the park down by the river where there is a playground so his granddaughter could play while they talked.  He had decided to arrive before them and be seated so Dianne would not see how unstable his gait had become.  They were supposed to meet at noon so he was sure to leave the office before 11:30 to avoid any traffic issues.  Before telling his secretary he was leaving early, he pulled her aside and blew his breath into her face.  He asked if he smelled as if he had been drinking.  As usual, she said no.  This time she added his breath smelled “medicinal.”  Medicinal was good, right?  That meant the new mint gum was working.

He took the elevator to the ground floor and walked through the lobby of the building directly to his car in the parking garage.  He turned on the engine and the car immediately started blowing cold air full blast.  In one fluid movement like muscle memory took over, he reached under the seat and pulled out a flask of vodka, taking a swig just to calm his nerves.  His mind was racing with too many issues to sort out at the moment.

The phone call he had received right that morning had rattled his already frayed nerves.  Didn’t that damn doctor know he did not care about the latest results of his lab work?  And why did he keep asking him to come into his office to have a “serious talk” about treatment?  From the eyes staring back at him each morning, he subconsciously knew it was too far gone, but denial was his best friend these days.  He decided right then and there that he was not going to go to that doctor again.  In fact, he was not going to go to any more doctors because he was not sick.  He “felt” fine.   Besides, what could they really do for him?  He knew what they would say, and to him it was just a waste of time.

As he drove through downtown, he remembered when he used to take Dianne to the very same waterfront park.  She would look out of her window and always shriek at how tall the buildings were.  It did not matter how many times she saw them, her reaction was the same.  He remembered pushing her on the swing with her blonde pigtails blowing in the wind.  He could vividly recall her loud giggle, followed by, “Higher, Daddy.  Higher!”  For a fleeting moment, his mind turned towards the same memories with Emily.  He grew furious at this for a moment, shaking his head, but then realized how fuzzy his memories had become.  No matter how hard he then tried, squinting his eyes to see if that helped, he could not see her in clear focus.  Why had she become such a blur?  Was it due to his constant resistance to her memory?  This caused him to take yet another sip, and another.  He hoped the extra gum he brought would work…

Turning right onto Main Street, he arrived at the park.  He parked his car and walked a short distance to the entrance.  Walking along the shaded sidewalk, he sees several other mothers with their children playing here and there.  He finds a shaded picnic table that is near the playground and sits down on the concrete bench to wait for their arrival. 

Watching the entrance to the park, he spies Dianne and a tiny figure walking towards him.  He can see Dianne bend her head down and whisper something to the little girl, and to his surprise, she heads off to the playground.  Dianne, alone, continues to walk towards him.  The shadows from the tree branches make it impossible for him to gauge her mood.   She seems much taller and thinner than he remembers.  God, how she is beautiful, he thought.  She is the spitting image of her mother, whom he fell in love with at right about the same age.  He wonders what Emily would look like as an adult had she lived.  Would she look like Dianne?  Would she look more like him?  He glances over at his granddaughter, who is the same age Emily was when she died.  He is captivated by her innocence, yet in fear at the same time of what could happen to someone so young and vulnerable.  For a moment, he finds himself unable to breathe watching her play.

Dianne sits down on the concrete bench next to her father where she can watch her daughter.  Neither of them say anything for a very long moment.  They sit in silence, together, watching the tiny child play on a tire swing.  She glances at her mother from time to time, testing her presence.   She waves at her mother and Richard notices her looking at him wonderingly, yet with the innocent eyes of a child.  He remembers how young children have no concept of consequences, impending doom, approaching danger, etc.  He wonders if Emily knew what was happening the night she died.

Dianne turns and faces her father and stares at him for a long time, while he sits seemingly mesmerized watching the child.  Her eyes search his face, looking at his wrinkles, the yellowness of his skin, the yellowness of his eyes, the baldness of his head.  A single tear slips down the left side of Dianne’s cheek.  “How long do you have, daddy?”  In what he thought was an awkwardly long period of time before she spoke to him, he is at once relieved at what Dianne has just asked.  “I am taking the rest of the day off.  Work is not as important as seeing my two best girls.  She is beautiful, Dianne, just like you.  She has your blonde hair.” 

Dianne reaches over and picks up her father’s hand and clasps it with her own.  “No, daddy, how much longer do you have to live?”  Shocked with what Dianne has just said, he struggles with what to say.  He swallows hard and he realizes she knows.  The lump in his throat continued to grow and bound his vocal chords from making any movement at all.  He was speechless.  His mind was turning and nothing was coming out.  He could envision little men running around in an office throwing papers at each other trying to come up with the headline before the deadline, all of this occurring inside of his head, but nothing would come out of his mouth.

Dianne broke the silence.  “Don’t say anything, daddy.  Just watch her play, because when I stand up from here and go get her, you will never see either one of us again.”   Once again, they sat in silence, as the words stung every brain cell they pierced.  He was determined to try to make sense of what she had just spoken, but his denial kept getting in the way.  He did as was instructed and watched her playing, laughing, giggling, and waving at the two of them from the tire swing.  He waved back and smiled.

Dianne slowly let go of her father’s hand, stood up, and proceeded to walk slowly across the park to get the granddaughter he had seen for the first and last time. As he watched them walk away, he did not try to stop Dianne from leaving, nor was he surprised that his daughter never even looked back.  It was at that moment that many things became evident.  No longer did he care what the doctors said or didn’t say.  No longer was there meaning to anything.  What did he have to live for?  What kind of life did he have?  When people get up in the morning and look forward to their day because of all of the great things that are going to happen, what did he have?  Selling life insurance all day that people would pay into their whole lives so when they die, their family can afford the overpriced costs of their funeral?  Then coming home at night to no one?  What a life.  What a hellish life he had made for himself.

He sat silent and frozen on the bench until he saw her SUV pull away.  Then he stood up and stumbled the short distance back to his car.  He sat down, started the engine, and leaned the seat back.  He turned on the radio to his favorite country music channel.  Thank God for Willie Nelson.  He reached under the seat and grabbed the flask of vodka.  Speaking to the flask as if it were a living being he said, “I guess it’s just going to be the two of us, isn’t it, old friend?  After all, I did take the rest of the day off.”  With that said, Richard twisted off the cap and savored the flavor as it slid down his throat with a slow, burning familiarity and sense of final soothing.

-Adasha Knight, Jennifer Scarborough